The Top 40... Back to 1996!

Let's take a short trip in the TARDIS and go slap bang back to the middle of Britpop, and this week in 1996. Ahh. Great days. Or were they? Time to put the Mark Goodier mask on and see what was bothering the Top 40 17 years ago...

What you might have noticed at the time was the Oasis back catalogue hanging around the lower reaches of the Top 75. The brothers Gallagher were in their "imperial phase" now, having lost the previous years Battle Of Britpop but won the war, with the LP "(What's The Story) Morning Glory" selling by the shedload whilst Blur's "The Great Escape", despite getting the better reviews, didn't connect with the great unwashed in the same way as 94's "Parklife", mainly because it wasn't as good. Too clever by half.  The popularity of Oasis and the "Wonderwall" single propelled their previous singles back into the charts over the Christmas period, which I suppose was a good thing overall. But we're not here to dwell on the noisy citeh fans. Until later. In passing we shall also note very quickly at number 47, Frank Bruno with "Eye Of The Tiger". What on earth was going on there? Nope, let's not go there. And move on.

In at number 40! Paul Carrack, ex-singer of Ace, Squeeze and Mike and The Mechanics with "Eyes Of Blue", old fashioned Radio 2 fodder written by Peter Van Hooke, also in the Mechanics and responsible for many a duff London Weekend Television programme theme over the years. At number 37 is a blast from the past as Nick Heyward has a new entry with "Rollerblade", a song which made no impression on me whatsoever. Sorry Nick, nice bloke and all that but Haircut 100 was a long time ago, even then.

The Jeff Lynne All-Stars

There's a great deal of Christmas shite hanging around in this chart, and not much in the way of good stuff going up the chart. There's TAFKAP (Prince in old money) slipping down at 26 with the excellent "Gold" , and a popular beat combo called The Beatles slipping down to 25 with an Electric Light Orchestra reject "Free As A Bird". They never had another big hit* and history rightly forgets them. However, at 24 we have an absolute classic from Dreadzone, with "Little Britain". Dreadzone arose from the ashes of Big Audio Dynamite, and this was their one and only Top 40 hit, rising to the giddy heights of 20. Really, the British record buying public need to take a good hard look at themselves over this debacle. Fools! They're still going today by all accounts, having a loyal live following. Good on 'em.

Amos: "Nay Mr Wilks"

At 20 we've got a new entry! The decidedly odd and possibly completely hatstand Tori Amos who, at this point in her career, had decided to up-sticks and move over here to good old Blighty from the US of A. Her single "Caught A Lite Sneeze", which was not very good IMHO, featured Amos's very own Chas and Dave tribute as extra tracks on the CD ("London Girls" and "That's What I Like Mick (The Sandwich Song)" if you're interested). As I said, odd. She wouldn't set the charts alight with anything from the accompanying "Boys For Pele" album until the following year when Armand Van Helden's remix of the otherwise dull album track "Professional Widow" turned it into a massive dancefloor stompathon. After six months as a staple in any half decent DJ's setlist, Warners re-released it in the UK and it became an immediate Top Ten hit. Good work UK! Forgiven!

At 19 there's a bit of quality Britpop for once with Dubstar! And their sublime third single "Not So Manic Now", with the glamorous subject matter of an assault on a OAP in her tower block flat. Come back Morrissey, all is forgiven. Dubstar were a three piece band (Sarah Blackwood, Steve Hillier and Chris Wilkie) from Yorkshire and the North East, lazily given the title by journos of the time as being like a "Northern Saint Etienne", but it's a comparison which works in part. They both had fanciable singers called Sarah, the rest of the band were two blokes, they released quality electro pop... and that's it. Okay, it's a shit comparison then. But for me, Dubstar filled a gap left by a Saint Etienne recording break, and they were delightful.

Dame Sarah of Blackwood pictured earlier looking wistful

"Pencil case"

"Slipper"

Their debut album was disgraceful. Sorry, their debut album was "Disgraceful", a top notch concoction of pop gems complete with the customary lush Stephen Hague (New Order/Pet Shop Boys) production. Plus a cover of a Billy Bragg track which, as always, happens to be better than his original. Sorry Bill. You sing like you're a newspaper vendor on the street: "E'ning Stanud!!!" The album cover featured a pencil case that looked like a bit like "women's bits" from above. I had that as a t-shirt but strangely didn't feel I could get away with wearing it. The record company got them to change the for the re-release later on in the year. The new design features a fluffy slipper... which looks a bit like "women's bits" from above. "LOL". To be honest most of their record sleeves were borderline disturbing. Toy chimps making rude gestures, strange dolls, rubber ducks... distinctive but very strange indeed, dear reader.

Their debut single "Stars" would get a re-release following this release, and that would go on to prove to be their biggest hit. They were half decent live as well, I remember seeing them at Manchester University in '96, where they came on late keeping an impatient crowd waiting for 50 minutes due to technical difficulties, and I had to bail out early so as not to miss my train. Booo. They were a bit more pro later in the year with a support slot to Erasure. Dubstar carried on with another two albums until 2000, when the usual creative differences meant they went their separate ways. After Sarah spent much of the noughties in the dour electro-band Client, they got back together. Still waiting for new material though.

The Levellers. Probably.

Onwards into the upper reaches of ver top 20, and (heavy sigh) it's The Levellers at 13. Like the poor and the Welsh, it seems they shall always be with us. Those gyppos were back with another one of their trusty dog-on-a-bit-of-string-campsite-bothering-pinch-your-washing type singalongs. Only this one isn't any good. "Just The One" is a comedy drinking anthem which even Joe Strummer guesting on piano can't elevate above being "meh". Less "Hope Street", more "No Hope Street". Ha ha. See what I did there? A quick shout out to Presidents of the USA at number 15 with the bizarrely titled "Lump". Never could get my head round them, but then again I was a bit anti-American bands back then, for some strange reason which won't become readily apparent now. It wasn't as good as the follow-up "Peaches" anyway.

"Wondershite" more like

I'll nail my colours to the mast now. I hate "Wonderwall". Yes, the Noel Gallagher song that Joe Public seem to like the most is the one I can't stick. Doesn't matter if Noel OR Liam sing it. Even the easy listening-esque cover Mike Flowers Pops did (down to number 12 pop-pickers) is frankly shite, although I didn't like THAT as it was taking the piss out of a genre I took quite seriously, but that's a blogpost for another day. Anyway, to recap: "Wonderwall" is crap. Sorry but I have spoken.

Stewart Lee and Terry Hall relaxing earlier

So to the Top Ten. It's bloody awful. When "Wonderwall" is one of the best things in it, you can tell I'm not joking. We'll pause to applaud Bjork's biggest hit "It's All So Quiet", whilst at the same time slagging it off as it is her worst single - it worked in the context of the album but just looks now like a novelty pre-Christmas hit. That was the big hit whilst superior singles didn't hit the Top Ten - it's a familiar depressing story. And at Number 4 there's bedsit gloomsters Everything But The Girl having a massive hit with "Missing", a typically dour song basically about stalking an ex, given a sleek house makeover by legendary Chicago DJ Todd Terry, and thus pushing Ben Watt and Tracey Thorn into the dance arena. There next album would be in a drum'n'bass stylee, and it bloody well worked. Well done you 80's indie popstars for being down with the kids.

A gratuitous picture of Louise that doesn't really illustrate any point. Sorry.

The rest? Shite. A Louise-less Eternal with "I Am Blessed", with Miss Nurding being pushed out allegedly because an all black RnB girl group would be more acceptable in the US - correct me if I'm wrong, experts. Eventual Celebrity Big Brother contestant Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise". Baby D (how? Who?). TLC with a Radiohead cover**, and Boyzone, who's redeeming feature looking from today's perspective is that they weren't Westlife. And Britain's NUMBER ONE! This fine tune***:

* okay, "Real Love". But that was shit.
**not really

*** again, not really