Beam Us Up, Mr Scott.

I was a lucky child. Maybe because I was quiet and well behaved I got treated to a toy quite often. Or it seemed so at the time. The above pictured item is one which I received as a present sometime in 1976, it might have even been a birthday present, and blimey, it was a cracking toy. The die-cast USS Enterprise was a typically sturdy Dinky toy, which was guaranteed to hurt if you dropped it on your foot. Also guaranteed to hurt was it's "photon torpedo" firing system. Just place one of the plastic yellow discs torpedos in the slot on the top of the saucer, turn the metal lever round on top and the "torpedo" fires out of the front at great speed, usually going missing somewhere under the sofa, or hitting the cat (who was doubling as a Klingon Ship).

Health and Safety was just something that wasn't given houseroom by Dinky Toys in the 70's... this thing was fucking lethal. Attention to detail was pretty good, with the only fault being the shuttle craft coming out of the bottom of the ship when it should be out of the back, as any fule kno. Unfortunately my Enterprise's 5 year mission was aborted far too early when one of the engine bits broke off after a particularly heavy space battle in the Mutara Nebula (or being lobbed into the toy box). Sob.

Bond and Clouseau Together At Last!

Well, not really "together". This was United Artists successfully managing to wring some more cash out of a couple of their more successful movies of 1976 and 1977, and presenting them as a double bill at Odeons up and down the UK in 1978/79. Ker-ching, as "they" say. But what value for money it was, keeping my 9 year old self quiet for a good 4 hours plus on a rainy Blackpool afternoon. I hadn't seen either film before so it was brilliant for me. Two films plus an ice cream and a Kia-ora. Ace.

The classic Blackpool Odeon on Dickson Road, back in the 90s.

At first glance you'd think this was an unlikely pairing for a double bill, but  Roger Moore's Bond was only an arms length away from the slapstick humour perfected by Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau, and the two films fitted together brilliantly. They're both still massively entertaining now.

First on the bill, "The Pink Panther Strikes Again" is probably the best of the three 70's Clouseau movies, though any subtlety in Sellers' performance as the Inspector had long since been forgotten, as a straight side by side comparison with this and 1964's "A Shot in the Dark" clearly shows. It doesn't matter though, as the laughs are frequent and there's a fantastic supporting performance from Herbert Lom as the long suffering Dreyfus, and Leonard Rossiter's straight turn as the British Detective Inspector is a delight. Plus Burt Kwouk in an energetic role as Cato.

Token totty Lesley-Anne Down's glamorous turn as the Russian is very easy on the eye. Every time I see a fur coat it reminds me of her in this film.

Following the intermission, we've got "The Spy Who Loved Me", Roger's third Bond outing which  is a Bank Holiday classic now. There's not much new that I can say about this film that hasn't been said before.

"Bach?" "Woof"

Basically, it's a funny "You Only Live Twice" with tankers and submarines instead of space rockets, Ringo Starr's missus-to-be, flares, THAT car, THAT theme song and THAT parachute jump. Plus Richard Kiel as the (then) menacing Jaws, Valerie Leon's cleavage and Caroline Munro as Naomi, the saucy helicopter pilot who gets torpedoed to death. With all those breasts on display it should have been called "The Spy Who Loved Tits".

"Enjoy my tits whilst you can Mr Bond... I shall be trying to kill you in about 12 minutes time"

"Would you like a double or twin Mr Bond?" "Ooh errr"

 It's Alan Partridge's favourite Bond and quite right too. A cracking romp so good they remade it YET AGAIN two years later and called it "Moonraker". And still we all went to see it.

All in all, a cracking afternoon's entertainment. Even now.