Remember Free Music Festivals?

Ahhh, Back to the Nineties... a simpler time before promoters realized they could charge punters a fortune for standing in a field listening to a succession of average bands whilst waiting for the group they'd actually wanted to see. This is a flyer publicising something which wasn't to last too much longer... a free music festival.

1994 was, I think, the second year the Heineken Music Festival had been held in Preston, and as you can see, a magnificent line up of artists had been assembled. Okay, maybe not, but there was some good stuff on and you can't complain if it's free.

Of course, idiot me doesn't go on the Saturday night to see the (at that time) one hit wonders Oasis. Oh no. Even though I was quite keen and bought "Supersonic" on the day of release.  I think it must have been The Boo Radleys headlining that must have put me off, along with pikey crusties Back To The Planet.  In retrospect, what the hell was I thinking?

But on the Thursday night after work, I did bother to hop on the train from Blackpool and pottered over to Avenham Park, braving the inclement weather to see one of my then fave bands, Oldhams's mighty Inspiral Carpets, who I'd seen twice already. In my mind then, then were better than both The Stone Roses and Happy Mondays because they a) were still making records and b) hadn't turned crap. The Inspirals were promoting their latest single "Uniform" from their fourth and what turned out to be their final album "Devil Hopping" and were in fine form for a band close to packing it all in.

Supporting them were the (then) little known Shed Seven, who I'd stumbled across earlier in the year supporting Suede at the Blackpool Tower Ballroom. Bloody good they were as well live. They'd never be mentioned in the same breath as the bands that were to become massive over the next few years (Blur, Pulp, Oasis, Fat Les) but built up a solid body of work. One of those bands who when they release a greatest hits, you forget how many songs you liked of theirs.

Due to arriving late, I missed the delights of Slightlydelic and Fat Black Cat. They might have been brilliant, but more likely they were some generic pre-Britpop indie sounding combos signed to a subsiduary of a major label as some sort of tax write-off. Much like Baby Chaos, who I did manage to see, though they didn't make much of an impression. The internet has them down as being "a slinky, sexy, Glasgow based Scottish/English 4 piece Rock‘n’Roll beast" which goes to show you can't believe anything you read on the web. Including this. Probably.

Anyway, the Sheds and Inspirals were both excellent, soldiering on despite the torrential downpour outside leaking into the big tent rather alarmingly. Overall, a cracking night out which these days you'd be paying £40 for.

Most important though, don't forget - large cans from only 89p. But it was Heineken. Swings and roundabouts. 

The Top 40... 25 Years Ago This Week Ending Nov 21 1987

Let's have a look at what was in the hit parade a quarter of a century ago, eh kids? I shall adopt the guise of Bruno Brookes for the next few paragraphs...

Let's pause a moment first and pay respect to Sting, climbing one place to 41 after three weeks in the chart. Oh dear. That was as high as it got. I bought that on 12 inch as well. Albeit a month later, from the cheap rack. Sorry, Sting. Anyway, moving onto the top 40 proper... nowt much doing in the 30's to 40, with climbers from poodle rockers WASP and the long forgotten Blue Mercedes, but straight in at number 30 there's the classic "Build" by the Housemartins, possibly my fave song about town planning and building regulations. Ex-junkie Boy George is in at number 26 with "To Be Reborn", a long forgotten effort trying to capitalize on the pre-Xmas marketplace with limited success. Well, it reached 13 so I suppose it must have sold a few. But who's this at number 25, up 26 places? The classic "Letter From America" by the Proclaimers. "Bathgate no moooore" indeed. It would get to Number 3 in the end and probably will be, along with "500 Miles", their pension top up.

The Smiths (pictured right) are up six at 23 with "I Started Something.." but by this stage songwriters Morrissey and Marr had long since entered the endgame for the group, with a catalogue of misunderstanding and terrible communications in the summer causing the breakup of the band, after what was a massively successful and productive 5 years. They'd long since ceased to be by the time this single was released, with Mozza already hard at work recording his first solo album. Fat Barry White is doing alright at 20 up 18 places, with a bit of a comeback for him. It's all a bit urban really, with serial chart botherer Maxi Priest covering Robert Palmer in a reggae style, Donna Summer's oddly brilliant "Dinner With Gershwin" and Alexander O'Neill's mighty Jam and Lewis produced "Criticize", all storming up into the top 20, capped off with Whitney's "imperial" phase continuing with the dancefloor stormer "So Emotional" climbing up to number 9.

So we're into the ten biggest singles of the week... Mirage's "Jack Mix IV"? Up to number 8? Anybody remember that one? Thought not. Probably not even they do. Otherwise it's all a bit safe this week, with the Bee Gees and Freddie on their way out (in more ways than one). There's the soon-to-be-Xmas-and-Wedding-Do staple "I've Had The Time Of My Life" up to 6; Nina Simone at 5 spurred on from seemingly nowhere with an Aardman animated cat video; the better of the two Communards covers at 4; Rick Astley at three probably wearing a suit from Top Man; at two returning from the rock wilderness, George Harrison with the Jeff Lynne produced "Got My Mind Set On You" (Wilburys are just around the corner...) and...

Britain's Number One!!!

Shropshire's finest, T'Pau with "China In Your Hand". A song so 80's it hurts, complete with obligatory too long sax solo (see also "Will You" by Hazel O'Connor six years earlier). Still, feisty redhead Carol Decker was fun, being the obligatory redheaded gobshite in the music press, in a proto-Halliwell style, and the "Bridge Of Spies" album was passable MOR rock. Five weeks at number one though was probably two weeks too long, and these giddy heights were never reached again.

So that's the chart. Shocking how many of these acts are no longer with us. Twenty five years... it's like another world isn't it?

Back to the Sweet Shop - No 1: Black Jacks

Hmmm. I'm not sure, but is it just a little bit possible that this sweet wrapper might have been considered just a tiny tiny bit racist? How did we not spot it? Ahh, the Seventies. Oh dear.

"He's black. He's called Jack. What's the problem? Oh." 

Back! Back! BACK! Smash Hits Covers Dissected #1

Back in my other blog I used to do some nostalgic stuff about old SMASH HITS covers, which amused about 5 people. What better way to pad out this new blog than to continue to take the piss celebrate those magazine covers of yesteryear in a similar manner... 

"Tee hee... psssst. Martin's turned poofy. Pass it on."

We're back to 1984, and the end of November, with electro doom merchants Depeche Mode on the cover. Chief songwriter and leather perv Martin Gore is seemingly the centre focus for this cover, with Dave Gahan, Fletch and Alan "Wild"er having a a good laugh about him in the background. Martin's been hanging around Hamburg again, can you tell? This would have been a cover feature to accompany their latest barrel of laughs, the double A-side single "Blasphemous Rumours / Somebody". Increasingly becoming darker lyrically, with mentions of life support machines, wrist slashing and road accidents, this was a gloom fest that made The Smiths seem like Bucks Fizz in comparison. Which can only be a good thing. Right kids?

What else then? U2 are mentioned, presumably on the back of major top ten chart success with "Pride (In The Name Of Love)". Well, they even made it onto a NOW album for the first time therefore were now officially "pop". Then there's Limahl, no longer with Kajagoogoo, with his second hit single, the massive "Never Ending Story" from the kids film of the same name. This was a enormous hit all around the world, but the film did disappointing business. However, like many films that underperform, it found it's audience with the kids on video where it sold by the shedload over the following years, and now is one of those Christmas  staples. Limahl's hair though as you can see hasn't improved, looking like a fibre optic spider plant.

Prince! I'll do more about him in a separate post later on, but he's hitting his commercial height here with the "Purple Rain" soundtrack, an absolute classic. Wham! (always with an exclamation mark please) are featured, with George and Andrew well into their imperial phase now, though I can't listen to most of their stuff now. It's all gone from naff to credible to nostalgia back to naff again. Prefab Sprout are mentioned, so that will be to promote their second flop single "When Love Breaks Down", a number 88 disaster first time around, now recognized as a classic. Paddy McAloon always gave a good interview though so I can see why he'd be featured. Frankie refers of course to the mighty Scouse hit machine Frankie Goes To Hollywood (SMASH HITS were always ones for shortening) who were, of course, well into their own imperial phase with future third Number One single "The Power Of Love" released the previous week in a variety of formats by the mental ZTT records. Siouxsie's there as well, not sure why. Possibly because of the "Thorn EP" the Banshees released the previous month. Or maybe it was just a nice poster. 

Have I missed anyone? Oh yes, Thompson Twins. Well they can just fuck right off. "Lay Your Hands On Me"... I'd like to lay some paving slabs over you, more like.

A Testcard From The Boosh

Cybermen vs Daleks

Summer 2006. Doctor Who is well and truly back with David Tennant and Billie Piper fighting the good fight against the evils of the universe (well, Wales), and it's second series culminates in the battle of Torchwood between the Daleks and Cybermen. My 7 year old self would have run to the toilet in excitement. My 35 year old self was much the same. But lo and behold - a Radio Times cover... with a football? Yep, the episode "Doomsday" was broadcast the same weekend as the 2006 World Cup final, hence the cleverly themed double cover (complete with correct Nu-Who font) to celebrate another tournament where England didn't get very far. Ahhh. Much like the Cybermen vs Daleks, where despite a depleted squad the Daleks won comfortably without any need for that tedious mucking about with penalty shoot-outs. This was the tournament where I swore I would never bother getting worked up about the England National football squad again, which I can happily say I've kept up for 6 years. Try it, depressed England follower - you'll feel much better.

  

Beam Us Up, Mr Scott.

I was a lucky child. Maybe because I was quiet and well behaved I got treated to a toy quite often. Or it seemed so at the time. The above pictured item is one which I received as a present sometime in 1976, it might have even been a birthday present, and blimey, it was a cracking toy. The die-cast USS Enterprise was a typically sturdy Dinky toy, which was guaranteed to hurt if you dropped it on your foot. Also guaranteed to hurt was it's "photon torpedo" firing system. Just place one of the plastic yellow discs torpedos in the slot on the top of the saucer, turn the metal lever round on top and the "torpedo" fires out of the front at great speed, usually going missing somewhere under the sofa, or hitting the cat (who was doubling as a Klingon Ship).

Health and Safety was just something that wasn't given houseroom by Dinky Toys in the 70's... this thing was fucking lethal. Attention to detail was pretty good, with the only fault being the shuttle craft coming out of the bottom of the ship when it should be out of the back, as any fule kno. Unfortunately my Enterprise's 5 year mission was aborted far too early when one of the engine bits broke off after a particularly heavy space battle in the Mutara Nebula (or being lobbed into the toy box). Sob.

Bond and Clouseau Together At Last!

Well, not really "together". This was United Artists successfully managing to wring some more cash out of a couple of their more successful movies of 1976 and 1977, and presenting them as a double bill at Odeons up and down the UK in 1978/79. Ker-ching, as "they" say. But what value for money it was, keeping my 9 year old self quiet for a good 4 hours plus on a rainy Blackpool afternoon. I hadn't seen either film before so it was brilliant for me. Two films plus an ice cream and a Kia-ora. Ace.

The classic Blackpool Odeon on Dickson Road, back in the 90s.

At first glance you'd think this was an unlikely pairing for a double bill, but  Roger Moore's Bond was only an arms length away from the slapstick humour perfected by Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau, and the two films fitted together brilliantly. They're both still massively entertaining now.

First on the bill, "The Pink Panther Strikes Again" is probably the best of the three 70's Clouseau movies, though any subtlety in Sellers' performance as the Inspector had long since been forgotten, as a straight side by side comparison with this and 1964's "A Shot in the Dark" clearly shows. It doesn't matter though, as the laughs are frequent and there's a fantastic supporting performance from Herbert Lom as the long suffering Dreyfus, and Leonard Rossiter's straight turn as the British Detective Inspector is a delight. Plus Burt Kwouk in an energetic role as Cato.

Token totty Lesley-Anne Down's glamorous turn as the Russian is very easy on the eye. Every time I see a fur coat it reminds me of her in this film.

Following the intermission, we've got "The Spy Who Loved Me", Roger's third Bond outing which  is a Bank Holiday classic now. There's not much new that I can say about this film that hasn't been said before.

"Bach?" "Woof"

Basically, it's a funny "You Only Live Twice" with tankers and submarines instead of space rockets, Ringo Starr's missus-to-be, flares, THAT car, THAT theme song and THAT parachute jump. Plus Richard Kiel as the (then) menacing Jaws, Valerie Leon's cleavage and Caroline Munro as Naomi, the saucy helicopter pilot who gets torpedoed to death. With all those breasts on display it should have been called "The Spy Who Loved Tits".

"Enjoy my tits whilst you can Mr Bond... I shall be trying to kill you in about 12 minutes time"

"Would you like a double or twin Mr Bond?" "Ooh errr"

 It's Alan Partridge's favourite Bond and quite right too. A cracking romp so good they remade it YET AGAIN two years later and called it "Moonraker". And still we all went to see it.

All in all, a cracking afternoon's entertainment. Even now.